I have been walking around today feeling elated and overwhelmed. I have been searching people’s faces for recognition of the change that has just occurred. The change that effects all citizens, in the state and in the world. Granted the people I walking through and around have generally been part of two groups, the citizens of the Tenderloin neighborhood, and the tourists of the shopping district. I have not found a lot of recognition. Some acknowledging my perceived sexuality because of my rainbow bow tie, Tenderloinians and tourists alike. There have been a few with an extra looks that hold that excitement in their eyes and mirror it from mine. We’ve had a shared acknowledgement of a historical moment furthering human rights.

I have also been feeling antsy all day. I am currently in a summer conference which is amazing but confining. So for lunch I sought sunshine, I sought fresh air, I wanted to bask in CALIFORNIA, in the NEW CALIFORNIA. To see how it feels to walk around and know that I am equal, to you, and you, and you, and you! I have to say it feels fantastic!! I simultaneously feel like sticking my tongue out and high fiving anyone and everyone!

While I was eating lunch, a twenty something male approached me to ask if I knew what was happening with the band in Union Square, close to where I was eating lunch. I told him, I am not sure why they are there and whether or not it is related to the Supreme Court Rulings today. He asked, “oh, the Texas thing?” No, new acquaintance, they are not playing music about the women’s rights in Texas which is an immeasurable failure. “Ohhhhh, the GAY THING!” Yes, dude, “the GAY thing!”

THE GAY THING.
The GAY thing.
THE gay thing.
The gay THING?

What does that even mean? First of all, we are not A GAY, we are not a THING! This is not just tax law…this is about HUMANS and whether or not they are treated equally in terms of legal, human rights. He didn’t mean in an inherently negative way, but the thought process that placed me and my rights as a “thing” separately from him, as a self identified straight cisgendered human, who already has his rights, is a negative thing. It was a major red flag and marker of the work that still needs to be done to place The Gays (actually meaning LGBTQQII humans) at an equal level in the minds of those that perceive themselves to be part of the mainstream. At the risk of stating the obvious, I would venture to guess that most straight people, in the US and overall have had interactions with people who are part of the LGBTQQII community. It is not always visible. Just like many possibly marginalizing traits of humans, like mental illness, some physical challenges, health challenges, being A Gay is not always readable without explicitly asking questions.

I asked the young man is he identified as a male identified heterosexual, just to be clear, and he asked my identification. He then asked my who in my relationship holds the masculine. This is automatically problematic because he is functioning from a completely outdated model of gender roles and energy. I answered the question in term that he would understand, but this points very clearly to the need continue expanding the boundaries of the gender definitions and gender continuum.

There are many reasons why this automatic separation is worrisome. One of my favorites is, as stated by one of my favorite characters, “Well, people are usually straight until they’re not.” Period. This could affect you new acquaintance, or your brother or sister, or mom, or dad, or anyone in your life, and it would no longer be A Gay Thing, it would be a YOU thing. Second, any law that equalizes laws for one group, is a step equalizing law for all groups. Understandably the separation that is maintained by a straight male from the Gay Thing is maintaining ones self perceived higher status in power, rights, and humanness.

To recognize that one is equal to a minority group is to recognize vulnerability to discrimination, which is vulnerability to a lessening of power and self perceived status.

So I appreciate this reality check, while I was previously aware of the need for continued work, this was unavoidable example. I will remain on my pink cloud for the moment, by choice, but I will hold within that there is much work still to be done in the perception of equality and gender, about and within the LGBTQQII community, and all marginalized groups.

-CEG