Monthly Archives: June 2013

MarginsOfTheMargins's avatar

EQUALITY is HERE a reflection during the first day after DOMA and Pro8 being struck down

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I have been walking around today feeling elated and overwhelmed. I have been searching people’s faces for recognition of the change that has just occurred. The change that effects all citizens, in the state and in the world. Granted the people I walking through and around have generally been part of two groups, the citizens of the Tenderloin neighborhood, and the tourists of the shopping district. I have not found a lot of recognition. Some acknowledging my perceived sexuality because of my rainbow bow tie, Tenderloinians and tourists alike. There have been a few with an extra looks that hold that excitement in their eyes and mirror it from mine. We’ve had a shared acknowledgement of a historical moment furthering human rights.

I have also been feeling antsy all day. I am currently in a summer conference which is amazing but confining. So for lunch I sought sunshine, I sought fresh air, I wanted to bask in CALIFORNIA, in the NEW CALIFORNIA. To see how it feels to walk around and know that I am equal, to you, and you, and you, and you! I have to say it feels fantastic!! I simultaneously feel like sticking my tongue out and high fiving anyone and everyone!

While I was eating lunch, a twenty something male approached me to ask if I knew what was happening with the band in Union Square, close to where I was eating lunch. I told him, I am not sure why they are there and whether or not it is related to the Supreme Court Rulings today. He asked, “oh, the Texas thing?” No, new acquaintance, they are not playing music about the women’s rights in Texas which is an immeasurable failure. “Ohhhhh, the GAY THING!” Yes, dude, “the GAY thing!”

THE GAY THING.
The GAY thing.
THE gay thing.
The gay THING?

What does that even mean? First of all, we are not A GAY, we are not a THING! This is not just tax law…this is about HUMANS and whether or not they are treated equally in terms of legal, human rights. He didn’t mean in an inherently negative way, but the thought process that placed me and my rights as a “thing” separately from him, as a self identified straight cisgendered human, who already has his rights, is a negative thing. It was a major red flag and marker of the work that still needs to be done to place The Gays (actually meaning LGBTQQII humans) at an equal level in the minds of those that perceive themselves to be part of the mainstream. At the risk of stating the obvious, I would venture to guess that most straight people, in the US and overall have had interactions with people who are part of the LGBTQQII community. It is not always visible. Just like many possibly marginalizing traits of humans, like mental illness, some physical challenges, health challenges, being A Gay is not always readable without explicitly asking questions.

I asked the young man is he identified as a male identified heterosexual, just to be clear, and he asked my identification. He then asked my who in my relationship holds the masculine. This is automatically problematic because he is functioning from a completely outdated model of gender roles and energy. I answered the question in term that he would understand, but this points very clearly to the need continue expanding the boundaries of the gender definitions and gender continuum.

There are many reasons why this automatic separation is worrisome. One of my favorites is, as stated by one of my favorite characters, “Well, people are usually straight until they’re not.” Period. This could affect you new acquaintance, or your brother or sister, or mom, or dad, or anyone in your life, and it would no longer be A Gay Thing, it would be a YOU thing. Second, any law that equalizes laws for one group, is a step equalizing law for all groups. Understandably the separation that is maintained by a straight male from the Gay Thing is maintaining ones self perceived higher status in power, rights, and humanness.

To recognize that one is equal to a minority group is to recognize vulnerability to discrimination, which is vulnerability to a lessening of power and self perceived status.

So I appreciate this reality check, while I was previously aware of the need for continued work, this was unavoidable example. I will remain on my pink cloud for the moment, by choice, but I will hold within that there is much work still to be done in the perception of equality and gender, about and within the LGBTQQII community, and all marginalized groups.

-CEG

MarginsOfTheMargins's avatar

Anxious about EQUALITY

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I woke up this morning with a feeling of anxiety in my stomach, it was a combination of cautious hopefulness and dread. I feel in a surreal state of being, this feeling spread to my chest and coated the underside of my ribs where it has stayed the entire day.

The political decision that the court will make tomorrow at 10am has put me in this state. I have sensation because of my having finally entered in to a political consciousness. As a young person I was so concerned with my own survival and then my own reprocessing and growth from that survival that it took me much effort to expand my true consciousness to politics.

It truly is surreal to realize that there are other humans, whom I and most others this ruling will affect will never meet, in a room I have never and likely never will see, that will decide the possibility of my fate. They will make a LEGAL RULING that will declare whether or not I am treated equally in my state. It is one of the most intense sensations I have felt in my life. It is more intense to me than the first passing of California marriage equality simply because I was too narcissistic and shameful about myself to feel it. Now I am out and proud and have participated in advocacy for marginalized people. I have seen how legislation changes culture and culture changes legislation. I have seen and touched the differences that laws make in the every day lives of people. Here is one that is affecting the path my life can take. Actually it is offering the possibility of a new path my life could take, a path that had been blocked to me. I had decided since a young age that I would live my life the way I wanted despite the laws that make strong suggestions in a certain direction. I reaffirmed this in myself when I finally came out as gay, that I would live my life to fit my inner being, not the outer expectations. But this is something that can affect the number of choices I have in that life. This will legally declare equality.

This will declare legal equality.

This will make legal equality LAW in my state.

This surreal sensation is multilayered. I am excited to be declared equal, so that no one in this state can tell me other wise, law is law. But there is challenge in being place side by side those that discriminated you. Being placed next to the ones that considered you, “less than,” and called you “different but equal.”

A great weight has been lifted and a great responsibility has been granted.

There is certain strength and power to being in the margins. In a significant way, that will be relinquished tomorrow at 10am. I know this ruling is not a magic fairy wand that will fix all wrongs, but it is a grand jete over the rainbow!

Peace, Love, And Equality to All!

CG

MarginsOfTheMargins's avatar

A Victory for a beautiful little girl and all trans and marginalized people!

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Coy Mathis’ has won her rights to use the girls bathroom at her elementary school. The school had informed her parents that she would not be allowed to use the girls bathroom and instead had to use the nurses station bathroom or a faculty bathroom because of her trans status. A tragic violation of a small child’s right to decide who they are. She has worn girls clothing and gone by female pronouns since the age of 18 months when she expressed her self identified gender. Thankfully her family held no hesitation in standing up for their daughter’s rights and won! Thank you to her parents for setting a high bar, one that should have been set long ago, but was gracefully raised by their steadfastness to their child’s rights and equality.

Read the story here: She WON!

MarginsOfTheMargins's avatar

Research just for [some of] US!

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CARAS- Community-Academic Consortium for Research on Alternative Sexualities is dedicated to researching people who are considered participating in “alternative sex;” at this current time alternative sex refers to those in the BDSM communities, the LGBTQQI communities, polyamory, open relationships, and anyone who uses kink, fetish, and power dynamics, in their personal life and sexual life.

Because the genre of sex research is a young one and it was primarily focused on procreation trends, it therefore did not include the communities who were not having sex to bear children. This does not only include the communities I mentioned above, but also other minorities, the physically or mentally disabled, the elderly, and youth. These communities are just recently being researched. Why is researching these groups sex life so important? It is important because research that is published has a heavy effect on public opinions; historically research and medical opinions have shaped the mental health, medicine, and business fields, and shaped cultural opinions. These opinions, many time false or misquoted, continue pervasively to shape cultural perspectives that shape lives.

Here is a resource that is aiding in accurate information being published about some of us who have been neglected in research!

Go to C.A.R.A.S. here

MarginsOfTheMargins's avatar

AltSex & BDSM resource

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Today I attended a very educational seminar abour BDSM, specifically therapy with BDSM couples and how alternative sex (alt.sex) can potentially be used for therapeutic purposes. I am not recommending this, it could have the opposite effects if done carelessly, but for some people who express their experiences in a corporeal way, there is potential to do this.

There are articles that I am searching for that I will post when I find them to shed some light on how people have used alt.sex practices to experience catharsis about a specific issue.

A piece of my most appreciated knowledge was the practice of after care that is taught and regularly practiced in this community. Not being a part of it, as an outsider only peeking through the corner of one window, I am happy to learn that people participating in a BDSM relationship or lifestyle or activities plan for emotional support and care after they have participated in a session of alt.sex or play in order to emotionally process and nurture and recover ones self from the intense experience they have just undergone. This is a beautiful and healthy practice.

This website is not about the therapeutic benefits of BDSM, it is a well organized extensive resource for those seeking more knowledge and a community surrounding alternative sexual practices. Because of the marginalized nature of BDSM, it is a very appropriate resource for this blog to host. I hope this serves as good personal resource, or educational resource, or something to recommend to a friend.

I wish you all Safe and Free Sexual sexpression and practice!!

MarginsOfTheMargins's avatar

Oregon’s birth certificates can reflect true birth gender

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Oregon has opened the doors for transgender people to change their birth certificates to reflect who they truly were at birth. The only requirement is a doctors statement that their gender is true, there is no surgical requirement, just verification of the mental gender state of the person. This is a lovely change for the transgender population of Oregon. It allows ALL documents that run our life and our identity to sync. It will eliminate another unnecessary violation of privacy and lowers the risk of discrimination. This will help improve the possible quality of life available to transgender citizens by allowing smoother access to schools, housing, jobs, Social Security benefits and the many other things that require birth certificates.

This bill goes in to effect the first day of 2014.’

CHEERS OREGON! Thank you for setting a great example!

 

Oregons birth certificate bill!

 

For those wanting information about how to go about changing gender on a birth certificate in other states, here are a couple links I found that give some helpful information. Some of the information may be out of date, Oregon for example, but it is a good place to start.

Wiki Site on Changing Birth Certificate Gender

Dr.Becky Allison’s helpful list

Of course you should always do research and/or contact a local attorney to get the most updated information.

MarginsOfTheMargins's avatar

Anti-Gay Therapy Organization closing!!

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The organization Exodus that has been performing therapy to reverse or undo homosexual attraction is closing its doors after almost 40 years!!

The president stated that he had homosexual feelings that have never left him and he realizes that it is not possible to change ones sexual orientation. This is a great example of the reasons a person should do thorough self examination when feeling so vehemently against one specific issue. Humans are very good at identifying the pieces of others that we dislike most in our selves and attempting to squelch it in others in order to avoid the pain of identifying it as a traits one holds in their self.

This organization has been abusing impressionable, self doubting people, causing irreparable damage to their sense of self and identity, possibly even taken lives because of their false teachings. Closing their door will never repair the damage they have done, but at the least it will not create more, and it will serve to show others, that being gay is not a choice, or a temporary state of mind or being, it is something that cannot and will not change not matter what type of shock or therapy is applied.

And if you feel so strongly that it can be reversed, maybe you should take a long hard look at yourself, you might find the source of your opposition within you.

The article from Human Rights Campaign here

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Parents Who Are Doing it RIGHT! Human Rights that is!

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Their transgender daughter is being discriminated but the whole school, but her parents are fighting back. Read about parents who believe a child has more insight and knowledge in to their own being then they do. These are parents who are truly demonstrating unconditional love, whether or not their children ‘follow in their footsteps.’ They are recognizing the individuality and right to self expression of their young child and are choosing to stand up for her rather then mold her to societies constraints and desires.  That is love in action; read here

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Social Security Removes Surgical Requirement for Gender Marker Change

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Finally gender equality and privacy in social security! Read the long overdue story HERE & another insightful article HERE Thanks Obama:)

This step toward equality for transgender individuals is long overdue. Previously, transgender people required proof of surgical reassignment surgery in order to change their official gender withing the social security system. This was a gross violation of their human rights to privacy. Gender has more to do with their internal sense of knowledge and self then the body parts that are hanging, or not hanging off of them. This caused undue discrimination against people who for many varying reasons chose to not have any special surgery, either through cost constraints, or other personal reasons. Citizens who desire to change their gender and choose to go as far to change their documents, do not take the decision lightly. It is an extremely difficult endeavor to state to the world that the body you were born in to is does not match the internal state of gender identity in their mind. It is a struggle daily to wake up in a body that does not connect to the physical image one’s mind eye would like to feel. This process is not like changing someones name, which people can do and have done often with little reason. It is an intrinsic part of a person that requires sensitivity and some life altering, irreversible (for the most part) decisions, some that risk damaging their body to achieve their goals. So lifting the surgical requirement for gender change in the Social Security system will give those people who have not or do not wish to surgically alter their body at this point in time, but are 100% certain of their gender identity the right to have their documents match up with their self. So often societies feel that because people are on the margins of society, they have the rights to analyze and enter in to their private space more often in order to determine the level of acceptability they will assign to a specific action or way of being. This milestone says no to one violation, affording transgender people the privacy and discretion they deserve and all other citizens take for granted. To have the right to change ones gender in the Social Security system is a right that will save lives by aiding the reduction of discrimination caused by involuntarily exposing someones gender history.

This is another important step toward gender equality; to allow more people the possibility to become self actualized, which is the great goal of life.